Where does "hate" come from?
This question pops up on and off in my mind but I have never really sat down to think about it or to question its origin.
1. Why do people hate one another?
2. When do they start hating?
3. What triggers it?
The answers to these questions will establish a basis for human relationship and examine the love-hate relationship between 2 or more people. Some people hate themselves. We are not discussing those people yet. We can start by examining what triggers the "hate" feeling? Below are some of the reasons that I can think of:
1. When a person does something that the other person does not like or approve of.
2. When a person fails to keep up their word.
3. When a person physically or emotionally hurts another person.
We can keep adding to the list above. But the point is that "hate" originates when the frequency does not match between 2 people. When these 2 inidividuals try to match up their frequency and fails, it truns into hate. There are 2 kinds in this. One kind takes it hard when the frequency does not match, and the other kind brushes it off and move on or keep trying to find a resonance. The latter kind are more mature and patient than the former. It takes a lot of courage to be the latter kind. The frequency mismatch between 2 people has caused a lot of heartaches and emotional tantrums in individuals.
1. If only these individuals "think outside the box" they would never hate one another.
2. If only they look at it from the perspective of the other individual, they would never hate one another.
3. If only they try to walk the shoes of the other individual, they would never hate one another.
I am not trying to postmortem the "hate" process. All I am trying is to identify the root cause so that a post-mortem would never be required. Many a realtionships, many a friendships, many a "siblingship" has been broken because of this frequency mismatch. I understand that it is hard, almost impossible, to match frequencies of 2 distinct individuals, every single time. But the moment, that individual puts themselves in the other individual shoes, the mismatch may still exist but would never turn into hate.
I try to do that in every relationship I have and it has worked like a charm for me. As far as I can recall, I really do not hate anyone and I dont think I will ever hate anyone.
This is just a tip of an iceberg on this subject. I wish more and more people would think about it and eliminate this hate among us. I would love to hear more perspectives on this.
Adios.
1. Why do people hate one another?
2. When do they start hating?
3. What triggers it?
The answers to these questions will establish a basis for human relationship and examine the love-hate relationship between 2 or more people. Some people hate themselves. We are not discussing those people yet. We can start by examining what triggers the "hate" feeling? Below are some of the reasons that I can think of:
1. When a person does something that the other person does not like or approve of.
2. When a person fails to keep up their word.
3. When a person physically or emotionally hurts another person.
We can keep adding to the list above. But the point is that "hate" originates when the frequency does not match between 2 people. When these 2 inidividuals try to match up their frequency and fails, it truns into hate. There are 2 kinds in this. One kind takes it hard when the frequency does not match, and the other kind brushes it off and move on or keep trying to find a resonance. The latter kind are more mature and patient than the former. It takes a lot of courage to be the latter kind. The frequency mismatch between 2 people has caused a lot of heartaches and emotional tantrums in individuals.
1. If only these individuals "think outside the box" they would never hate one another.
2. If only they look at it from the perspective of the other individual, they would never hate one another.
3. If only they try to walk the shoes of the other individual, they would never hate one another.
I am not trying to postmortem the "hate" process. All I am trying is to identify the root cause so that a post-mortem would never be required. Many a realtionships, many a friendships, many a "siblingship" has been broken because of this frequency mismatch. I understand that it is hard, almost impossible, to match frequencies of 2 distinct individuals, every single time. But the moment, that individual puts themselves in the other individual shoes, the mismatch may still exist but would never turn into hate.
I try to do that in every relationship I have and it has worked like a charm for me. As far as I can recall, I really do not hate anyone and I dont think I will ever hate anyone.
This is just a tip of an iceberg on this subject. I wish more and more people would think about it and eliminate this hate among us. I would love to hear more perspectives on this.
Adios.
posted by Siva Balan @ Sunday, August 08, 2004
1 Comments:
At Tuesday, August 10, 2004,
Gopal said…
Good insights, and summary.
My 2-cent perspective follows:
My only serious comment here is that hatred is a) self-destructive and b) it is NOT the most natural/prevalent coping mechanism for mismatched frequencies.
Let me explain.
First a quiz:
What is the opposite of love?
It is NOT hatred.
Opposite of love is "indifference".
Indifference is benign, hatred is malignant to our system.
Most people with "mismatched frequency" turn first to indifference to cope - if they can. This works! It is also the standard, safe response. Without this safty-valve, we would all die of hating others in our lives! (hatred, remember, is very self-destructive - it creates physiological imbalance.). Notice, too, In the animal kingdom, from where we evolved, we see this indifference - live and let live - so much in abundance - except of course when natural prey & preditors are involved. Mismatched people can simply be indifferent to each other. There are many other fish in the pond, so to speak, and we only need a few good ones.
But this coping strategy is thearetical - and unavailable - for many situations - when real-life limitations intrude.
Here are a couple of scenarios:
what do u do when the mismatched person is your unloved mother-in-law whom you need to put up with in your own home and make happy?
what do you do if this "mismatched" person is - gasp - your child?
So people evolve other coping methods.
Here are two, there may be more.
One coping method is to limit their 'face-time' or 'interface-bandwidth' - so the indifference can be temporarily suspended or hidden. A fake smile gets you through that family reunion where that nasty MIL showed up. You then remind yourself - this too shall pass. This method has one real bad side-effect: it builds real resentment if there is no ability/control to limit the time of exposure - and if the mismatched pair hang around together for too long with each other trying to make nice. Its like a pest you can not get rid of. I have seen this side-effect transform what starts as indifference (benign) into real hatred (malignant).
The other coping method is to continuously reevaluate, introspect and to make a real effort to discover the good side of the mismatched person - and realize that there are many other "frequencies" that do match - and that what was mismatched was in fact unimportant, in the past, etc, etc.
In other words, become a saint who can overlook the bad and love all.
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